For what seemed like the hundredth time in my life, I was about to get my heart smashed into a million pieces. On one of my many nightclub outings, one evening, after dancing all night long, I picked up the most delectable man I had met in a long time. He was olive skinned, thick, black curly hair, the darkest brown eyes you can imagine, and a lovely boyish body. OMG. He was just beautiful. The first time we met, I was very under the weather, and I dragged him back to my apartment and I shagged him until sunrise. There was champagne and wax involved, and I remember in the morning being very sore and hungover!! He kissed me goodbye and said he’d call me, however I didn’t see him again until some months later.
Some months later, while at the same nightclub we saw each other again, and again hooked up. This time however, we talked and talked and got on famously. After that, we started seeing each other regularly. We had a long walk along the beach, whereby he said the same thing most of the men in my life so far had said. That he didn’t want a commitment, and that even though he was happy to keep seeing me, in reality it wouldn’t lead to anything more serious. However love blossomed. Though Troy was not without his faults. In fact he had plenty of them. He couldn’t ever seem to hold a job. He was always broke, and it annoyed me that I only ever seemed to see him when I had been paid, and yet when he was paid, he was never with me. Funny that. He was always bumming cash, smokes (I was a heavy smoker back then) and grog. I rarely said no, as I was madly in love with him, and would have donated my blood if he’d asked me nicely enough. One thing I did find difficult was his drug addiction. I was a pretty outgoing girl back then, and had certainly done my fair share of smoking dope and drinking alcohol. However, I never touched hard drugs, and I had been educated from a pretty early age that hard drugs were a terrible thing to get into. I avoided them at all costs. So, when Troy turned up to see me after work one night, I wasn’t familiar with his behaviour. He was talking very, very fast, had dilated pupils and was acting quite strangely with funny mannerisms like itching his hair and picking at his face. I knew something was not right, and yet couldn’t put my finger on it. He admitted to me later than he was on speed. He loved the stuff, and would inject it whenever he could get hold of it. The thing with speed, is that it’s all good while a person is on it. However when they are ‘coming down’ (when it’s wearing off) there are some major side effects for some people. When Troy was coming down he turned into a living nightmare. He became very aggressive, abusive and nasty. He once even starting throwing things at me. It was just awful. I recall another evening where he rode away on his pushbike in the middle of the night, giving me the finger!! Speed began to rule his life. I was often stood up by Troy. The most memorable would be the night of my birthday, getting ready to go out with family, and he just never turned up. I was completely humiliated, and I started to realize that my relationship with Troy was on thin ice. When he confessed to me that he had been stealing to look after his speed habit, I had just about had enough. I was getting sick of him living off me, using me and not ever giving anything in return. It hurt, and finallly, I was starting to gain some self -esteem and value for my own integrity, and one night, when he turned up to loan some cash, I explained that I didn’t have any. Enough was enough. Love wasn’t worth this, nothing was.
Life had just been dripping away like a leaking tap and I was sick of it. It was time for a change in my life. No more men, no more nightclubbing, no more staying up crying over horriable men. I needed a fresh start again, to move on, move up and move out.
